6 WEEKS AND WHAT HAVE I DONE?
How a tiny 5-pound person can take up so much time and piss people off on your social media channels.
For those of you who have been following along, you may be aware that I have recently become a grandmother. You may also have noticed, I have been MIA, MOL (more or less) on social media.
What happened? When our 5 pounds of joy arrived in the form of Miss Grayson Charley Alexandra, no one knew how much time such a small person would require. But you get reminded real fast. Do you remember the countless hours spent rocking and soothing such a tiny new person? The sleepless nights burping and cuddling? And I am only the grandmother!
The birth was complicated. For the first few weeks, there were many hospital and doctor visits. Those, combined with the time intensive care of a newborn, vacuumed up a lot of time. I was lucky enough to have been part of the chaos and joy of those early weeks. Grayson will only be this small once in her life. It is a great privilege to bear witness. As Grayson’s Oma.
Being a grandmother was something I had to learn. My heart was flooded with love the moment I first held my granddaughter in my arms. But I admit, I struggled with knowing how much to step in and how much to step back. I found myself waiting to be invited. Yet how could I make that request of brand new parents who had been hit by the most beautiful tsunami that is childbirth, but tsunami nonetheless?
Frequently I wavered between overwhelming love for that baby, so big that I wept, and a heart bursting with pride over watching my own daughter becoming a mother. These experiences are the fabric of life, new and old. In time, I trusted my instincts. I let my heart guide me towards loving that baby and loving my daughter and her husband, enough to quiet my eagerness and let them figure out the gentle balance of love needed to raise their child.
I love my new role. I even get up and do the night shifts after baby has been fed. I am getting used to doing with less sleep. I am getting used to multi-tasking. I am getting used to the new car seat, super sassy stroller, the bassinet, and the MammaRoo. (Huh??) Why does everything feel so different? I had three babies of my own and I have adopted also. I often find myself saying, “Wow! I wish I had that when my girls were infants.” I’m on a learning curve here.
Throughout all of this, I have also moved, again. This would be the third time this year, and this is just for me! Some social media comments probed me about the frequency of moving house. The reason? I downsized and I like it. A lot. But in the last several weeks, I may only have slept there 6 nights. I keep a small suitcase packed and ready to go when I get the call, “please mom can you come and help?” My house can wait. Some things are far more important.
I never want to feel regret that I wasn’t there for my daughter. Being reminded of the tiny details that are easily missed but that keep us anchored to what is important in life, is another lesson I have learned from our new baby. Like that time when she smiled (it wasn’t gas) for the first time, and I was there to witness it. Moments become memories, become a life. I can’t miss out on that.
This is not to say that I don’t care about any of my followers. I love you all. I do. However I realize I can do a better job of showing you that love.
I hope I can be forgiven for my hiatus. It is not intentional. It is purely incidental. I am grandmothering at the moment and while I am rocking and burping Baby G, I am planning and writing. Writing what? Books. Programs. Blogs. I haven’t gone away. But I am a bit distracted.
If some of you are pissed off by the quiet, rest assured, I rarely stay down for long. You are always on my mind. After all, my motivation in life is to serve my fellow man to the best of my ability in all I do.
Tonight as I write a few words in my journal, one hand on my pen and the other on the cradle, I am thinking of the blessing of health that new life is. I am deeply inspired to dig deeper and do more. When I have soothed Grayson’s little round head, moved to my core at her perfection, I have been touched to bring a greater intensity to my work.
Eat Clean®. Train like you’ve never trained before. Love deeply. Forgive. Be strong and be weak. But be exactly who you are because, in the words of my favourite female self-help guru, Marie Forleo, “the world needs that special gift that only you have.”
PS. I am always listening.
PSS. Still here!
PSSS. Why aren’t you writing your comments? Tell me about a time when you were distracted and then re-inspired? I have to hear from you!!