This is my path & I’m so glad to be on it

I’M GUNKED UP - a silly poem by Tosca Reno My head’s in a funk.

I’m full of junk.

Everything feels hazy.

And I’m just plain lazy.

All I can think about,

Is how quick to get out.

I don’t want to be indoors,

Dusting up wooden floors.

Better to get sunshine.

Then I will feel fine.

Off goes the computer,

Get’s me out sooner.

Lace up the sneakers,

And put on my peepers.

Grab Maggie’s leash,

She likes it the least.

But out on the trail,

I will follow her tail.

She’s fast and inspiring.

I’ll soon be perspiring.

We sprint, run and jog,

She’s an athletic dog,

Who teaches me endurance,

I envy her performance. No more fog in the head.

No more laziness in bed.

Now it’s time to Eat Clean,

By that, you know what I mean!

 

TUESDAY APRIL 14TH, 2015

6:30 am: Sleepy me getting good morning kiss from Maggie. She’s telling me to get up or else! I find slippers and open door for furry girl. She’s off like a shot - somebody has to pee. I find way to kitchen. Need water fast - so thirsty. Set button on coffee maker and wait for expresso to happen. Dates and espresso. What a way to start the day.   6:50 am: Have found new App called Headspace. Spending time on meditation because brain is sometimes overloaded. Also learned that mediation strengthens immune system. Still have crazy fear of cancer so think brain time is good time. Put earphones in and spend 10 mins listening to Andy (nice British voice, no idea what Andy looks like but he sounds good).   Ahhhhhh...beginning to get the hang of meditation. Always have racing thoughts, now just jogging thoughts. LOL.   7:00 am: Get self organized for morning workout. Shoes on. Pants on - hey! Found great new pants from Beleza Brazil. So soft and so comfy but still workout - holds everything in place. Hmm. Today I will wear green ones.   Take trampoline outside + skipping rope. Trampoline workout outdoors super energizing. Use a cable speed rope for skipping. Just add music and jump. Go ahead and jump.   “I get up, and nothing gets me down. You got it tough. I've seen the toughest all around. And I know, baby, just how you feel. You've got to roll with the punches to get to what's real Oh can't you see me standing here, I've got my back against the record machine I ain't the worst that you've seen. Oh can't you see what I mean? Might as well jump. Jump! Might as well jump. Go ahead, jump. Jump! Go ahead, jump.”   Thanks Van Halen remix. You got me going!   After cardio, do box jumps, kettle bell swings, reverse pushups and barbell thrusters in Tabata. Bob would be pleased - I trained my glutes too. He was a big one for making me train them every other day. He said nothing built a great backside better than regular training. That’s why I do it so much. I can hear him telling me to rep it out until I fail. “One more Tosssseee! One more!”   8:55 am: After workout and stretching, legs feel like Jell-o. Time to eat. Time to eat. Time to eat.   Today plain kefir, fresh blueberries, whole bunch of seeds - chia, flax and pumpkin - bee pollen. Wow! So hungry! My muscles need food. Feeling better and happier. Clean food kicks butt. OMG! Feel so good with a full tummy.   9:30 am: Standing in shower practicing ab isolations - Bob always made me do these. I’m remembering some funny times with him, like when he tried to make me laugh, really hard, so abs hurt. He could do vacuums like crazy - not me. But I tried.   10:30 am: At my desk, well, really it’s Bob’s old desk, working away at my writing. Bob taught me to take even 5 minutes and use them well, squeezing everything out of every day. So I take 5 minutes now and write before phone interview. Preps my brain for work.   I’m looking at a wedding photo of Bob and I. So lovely to remember. Went to Maui with only family and got married on a golden beach on the edge of the Pacific Ocean. Big Al, the reverend, rolled up on a Harley and someone played a ukulele. We wore traditional lei’s and stood in a circle of rose petals while reciting our vows with our family nearby. The whole thing happened during the Golden Hour. This was Bob’s favorite time of day for photographing because the light was golden. Any girl who ever shot with him knows what I am talking about. It was pure magic.   1:30 pm: I step outside with Maggie to get some air. Check dictionary to identify glowing, round, yellow object in sky. Has been missing all winter. See it’s mid April and finally object known as sun has returned.   From where I stand, I see everything Bob and I built together - green lawns, gardens, water features, a home. We built this home together out of a deep respect for nature. There are trees, native plants, rocks, hills, flat expanses and forests. On the hill where thousands of daffodils have been planted for Bob, I see the early signs of bright green daffodil shoots poking through the ground. The sun is warming the earth, awakening new life.   Like all spring growth, it is a rebirth, and I am looking for the same. I am not the same woman of three years ago, when I faced losing Bob and the year before, Braden. I am not the same woman as I was when I had to close down Bob’s business. Three years later I have survived loss after loss and am still here able to say “thanks” and mean it.   2:00 pm: Back inside I make a big, green, clean eating anti-aging salad loaded with greens, sprouts, herbs, spices, sauerkraut, chickpeas and more. I douse it with pumpkin seed oil and ACV. This is my idea of a fabulous meal. Bob would back me on this one except he would tell me to put radishes in the salad, and that is one thing I just don’t love to eat.   Since Bob and I created the Eat Clean lifestyle together, I have learned so much. I was always more committed to it than he was but that’s okay. This is my path and I’m so glad to be on it. After years of being without purpose, knowing what my life’s work is, is one of the best gifts Bob gave me. I will have it with me always.   6:45 pm: It’s time to put the day behind me and find some downtime. I have a confession to make. I watch a silly TV show that Bob and I used to watch together all the time. His favourite show was Just For Laughs. We would snuggle up on the couch and sit together after a busy day and lose ourselves in the silliness of the show. Now I watch it alone and remember...and discover I can still laugh.   9:30 pm: Thank you for this day. Thank you for the memories. Thank you for teaching me what being truly loved was all about. I am grateful.   Good night. Tosca